![]() ![]() With all that's happened the BF could very understandably feel that her desire for him, all by himself him, might be less than he'd believed. She likely is more the person he's been with recently, but for him to doubt that is understandable.Īnd while it's awkward to talk about, a healthy % of men want-not need perhaps but in a vulnerable way want-to feel sexually desired by the women we're with. Her choice to withhold this info during their sharing of pasts discussion can be understandable on her part and still contributing to the BF's sense that he doesn't really know her. The fact that there's video of this can in in one moment not change what happened but in another moment make it infinitely harder for the BF to deal with it. More binaries could be the OP is not a **** and the BF is not a prude. ![]() ![]() Her current BF can be a perfectly fine human and be ultimately unable to remain in a relationship with her. I am so sorry for your loss, and I really do understand your feelings, as a 52.yr.old man, I have been there a few times, first of all you are not damaged goods, you are grieving and suffering a loss, and I don't think you should ask that question, you should ask yourself are you ready or want to date, because you are the important one here, I took a long time out of dating to heal myself, and. This experience can have no bearing on the OP's ability to be a good partner to her current BF and in no way scarlet letter her as damaged goods.Ģ. I think it's possible for both the following statements to be true.ġ. I'm answering based on the assumption that each element of the post is accurate. This is a very interesting and exhausting first post. It might be helpful to you to really think about that. If you weren't comfortable with him telling you he got addicted to weed, and he's clearly not comfortable with your past, maybe you two weren't meant for each other anyway. And if your bf does come back, don't reconcile if you have the feeling he's gong to hold it over you for the rest of your life. I'm starting to wonder, now, how wonderful and ideal your fiancé really is.Īnyway, don't beg any more. Yes, you withheld crucial info, but that's understandable. Some anonymous guy without the courage to show his face or give his name did a hatchet job on your relationship (and your fiancé's). So, how should the OP "get out ahead of it"? Disclose it when a relationship turns serious? I mean, for the OP's sake, what would "getting out ahead of it" look like? She's here looking for guidance.Īnd OP, I wouldn't say you "somehow brought this on both of you. The Internet and technology can be very unforgiving. She can't change the fact that it happened and it will probably rear its ugly head again some day. Much like *extortion*, if you get out ahead of it, it loses its power over the *victim.* It's hard to do, but it's the mature thing to do and someone that is truly interested in her will accept it. To be honest Ruth, this stuff is out there now in the Internet zone. ![]()
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